An ode to 2022

Victor Bilott is a writer from Dunedin. He is the author of the poetry collection The Sets (Otago University Press, 2020) and writes a satirical Ode every Sunday for The Newsroom.

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Farewell of the Bard Billot 2022

red queen crystal ball

His Majesty: The talking crow is back

with reports from every corner

of our misty and spooky lands.

In the North, the Barbarian King Alaric the Brown

Influential in Occupied Auk.

In the south, the yeomanry rings menacingly

In an air-conditioned 96-wheel cart.

In the West, Baron Lacson Offers Life Advice

For little people in a modest garage.

East across the fifty-eight waters,

tribesmen co-rule and command

From Mighty Taniwa Nanaiah to you.

In the Badlands, rebel saboteurs roam

In search of the legendary United Nations Agenda 2030.

The plague is over. Or rather, it never happened,

And no one talks about the pain of cancellation.

There was a fierce and merciless battle.

There is a battle on the palace lawn,

When Sheriff Koster expelled the Pureblood Cult.

Then there was the battle of Nadia

When King Simon was trampled by the fluff of Eurasia.

There was a runaway of Sir Lancelot Affindel

And his magical Bedleg Excalibur,

before he converted to the Christian way.

There was a monetary policy battle

Head necromancer Adrian at the same time

Inflate and deflate a Royal Air Force balloon

In front of a bewildered crowd of serfs.

There is the struggle of Tron West,

Where the amazing illusionist Sharma crouched

I turned into a rabbit and disappeared into my hat.

There is the Crusade of Yahweh Bryan,

who ran off into the sunset with Yahwenes Hannah

In their hot stallion, a late model Harley.

And at the end of the year, the court jester Seymour’s outing

As a caping prick.

This week’s Ode concludes the Ode on Sunday series for 2022. Victor Billot said he plans to return around March 2023. Rumor has it that he is in talks with a publisher at Luncheon Sausage Books to produce an Ode book at the start of the general election.